A Dip in Positivity

Taokeh, less negativity please!

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Hours after hours of discussion on Whatsapp and the moment when you finally nail something down. The feeling itself is: ON TOP OF THE WORLD.

Realisation hits much later - communicating with artists ain't easy-peasy, in fact it can be scary-merry.

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When a 65 years old texted you for work advise, you know you're doing your work RIGHT.

Alicia's #shoutout in the background: Professionally, I never doubted you but I just can't say the same for matters of the heart laaarh!

Keep on Guessing

Too much guess work of late, figures that I am typically those type of people who should be kept pre-occupied at all times; if not, you can hear the brain whirring -- those wires might got em'self tangle-up sometime pretty soon, I reckon'. 
Does second chances came by often? 
No, they don't; yet, why the appreciation rate is still so low? Or was it due to slow reflexes? It took me long enough (not to mention much thoughts and efforts) to actually make the initial approach, and why aren't you making any moves? Stop contemplating by yourself and got drown by your own thoughts; talk to me and perhaps we can tackle this together. At times, you gotta have faith in wisdom of the crowds. As they say, two minds are better than one.

Bah.

And so I considered myself breezing through the heavy selection rounds;
but at the end of the day, 
Jaded -- is the word.
So much for promises and sweet talks;
Should the initial offer stays, then a reconsideration is in order.


For the rest, however;
I hoped for the best,
and I hoped my efforts paid-off :']

Wise conversation

A Lemon told me that, indeed, recent events has stirred changes in me. 

Unfortunately, its a negative one.. 

Like most of my friends, he thought that - somehow, the old bubbly-cheerful-vibrant V-vian is lost. My sunny demeanour dimmed, I became more emotional and most importantly, all my writings/ scriptings/ jottings reflected sadness and misery. All along, I used to be the heart and soul of gatherings; spurring laughters, telling jokes, entertaining others with my sarcastic-ism (occasionally, poking "harmless" fun at poor souls who somehow unwisely crossed my path~ bahhahaha XD)... Where has "V-vian" gone to? I don't show-up at gatherings, nor do I mix and mingle like I used to. Because of a romance that is going down the hill, I have been a miserable kid that isolates herself from the laughter and happiness. What has become of me?

Thank goodness that I managed to regain myself from "the fall". It is true that, after acceptance - then comes the healing and recovery. (Sounds familiar eh? Yep, if I remembered correctly, Prof. Dumbledore said similar lines in the HP series.) I wouldn't have said that at the present, I am fully recovered - cos, I know I am not. At least, with acceptance - my wounds are healing, and I felt rejuvenated! Again, I am indeed grateful to friends and peers that shown me much love that speeds up my recovery process. 

Am proud to announce that : I am on the right track to regain the former me. Bubbly, cheerful, full with vigour.

p/s: Thanks Lemon. I enjoyed immensely the wise conversation that we had, for it kindled lost vigour and re-affirm lost faith and courage!

实现小愿望

终于到一直以来想去的公园逛了一圈
心情是如此的高昂

清晨的阳光是舒服的
晒得我暖洋洋 有种感觉叫幸福
凉凉吹来的微风 有种感觉叫舒畅

我过得很好
没有你 我也不孤单
















记得
以前你曾答应陪我一起走
如今
只剩我自己也没关系
前方的路很长很长
没有你，
我也可以走很远很远

 看见早晨以及未来的那道曙光
仿佛提醒着自己
接下来即将展开的舞台
我的表演将是闪亮的、华丽的

谢谢陪我逛逛，陪我当秋千的他；

实现了这个小愿望

我真的很开心 :'D

喘

寂静的夜里
拖着一身疲惫
徘徊崩溃边缘
哭了

四面八方的压力
你们懂多少？
需要的是一点
温馨的安慰
热情的鼓励
而不是更多的
指责·压力·矛盾

一直活在你们的期望中
你们的期望越高
就必须逼迫自己
满足你们的期待
回应你们所想要的

我的艰辛与坚持
需要代价的
前方的未知
存有着猜测与恐慌

以后的路
我会为自己负责
既然你们不能给与我
那么一点的鼓励而不是变相施压
那，
我也不想奢望些什么

只有自己，是最可靠的

Mad... but True.

The picture has been getting more defined as time goes by, but choosing to ignore it was thought to be the best solution. If I don't react or if I stay down low, the whispers behind will just be forgotten soon enough? How I hoped so but...there is always a BUT (a butt too.) 

Mentality is something that is very difficult to gauge. People just do not bother to look at the bigger picture before they make judgements, its really funny and madly saddening at times. To think that we are no longer in the days of doing primary school and we should be able to make wise and balanced decisions especially in matters concerning friendship. Whether to divulge or to share a personal story with you or not, its... well, personal ... ain't it? The fact that I am not that prone to sharing certain matters with you might due to reasons such as timing? environment? mood? understanding? personal traits and level of acceptance? And so, I have decided not to tell you but another acquaintance. Are you going to be pissed? Or jealousy is the word? 

In-groups and out-groups are extremely common in any culture. Why get yourselves so damn fucked-up because of these trivial matters? You might be the in-group here but an outsider there, vice versa. Or even, neither here not there. So, what's there to complain and getting all stony-faced? I have not whined back then, and I will not do so either now. Fine by me should you got pissed or screwed-up... I'll just take a step backwards then. 

Had enough of all these. When the time comes where I couldn't and needn't to take it any more, I will certainly tell you : F*CK YOU. Go and live in your own world of jealousy and self-pity. What do I care? Duh~

Thanks for Listening

Enjoyed a karaoke session with Chet, Piggy and Joey; it was definitely an awesome trip that relieved some of my pent-up stress, frustration and boredom. No, I did not enjoy watching Black Swan (p/s: Piggy, you shall not make movie suggestions next time ='P). I do not know its a compliment or not that those who went karaoke with me before commended that I'm good with oldies.. haha! 

Anyways, one of the songs that I sang tonight is 不能跟情人说的话 (Words that Cannot be Said to your Lover.) It is a great song which I meant to dedicate to my friends, especially those close few who has stood by me when I had my relationship crisis and crashes; and that you guys shown me much love and support by lending your ears and shoulders to me. Thanks for listening to so many words that (I) cannot be said to my lover, thanks for taking in my madness and silliness, thanks for tolerating with my rantings and laments, thanks for spending time and wiping my tears away. I am indeed blessed to have great friends that shown me great love and support. Thanks for Listening to Me.

Coffee Psychology

 How I crave for Starbucks and Black Canyon tis' moment; but Nescafe is my companion...

Been downing endless mugs of coffee this few days. Bloodshot eyes and obvious eye bags... its the assignment peak period again and this time, thesis completion date is also just around the corner. Many encouraged me to give it a "final push" - well, since I'm going to graduate soon. Another two more months to the end of my final trimester of my days as an undergraduate. Frankly, caffeine doesn't work on me anymore. I guess the reasons I am still craning for coffee is that somehow, I have the idea that the strong aroma would keep me awake and aware. Coffee psychology, eh? Sometimes, I might even make a cup of coffee just for its aroma. After one or two sip, the mug stays there until the aroma fades. 

Then, its time for another mug, another sip and another aroma-filled moment.

Reasons to Hold On

A huge box of Hello Panda choc-filled biscuits and few Ferrero Rochers are two of the simplest reasons for me to keep holding on. 

"Medium is the Message" says Marshall McLuhan; and I've gotten his message. Much has happened recently, though there are still many unsolved issues, we promised to hold onto each other and walk our path together. Tolerance... one of the most important element in any relationships.

Aside from finding new meanings to my own, a friend of mine touched me with his love story. For all relationships are easy to kick-start but difficult to maintain and sustain. No matter what happens, I hope that his efforts are not in vain and may that he achieve happiness too.